​When you're going through a divorce, it can feel like the entire world is collapsing around you. Everything you thought was stable and permanent is suddenly up in the air, and it feels like you'll never find your feet again. 
 
But it's important to remember that there is life after divorce. You may not be able to see it right now, but with time and patience, you will find peace. 
 
It won't be the same as before - your life will be completely different - but that doesn't mean it won't be good. You will eventually learn to love yourself again and find happiness in your new life. 
 
So don't give up hope; there is light at the end of the tunnel. Here are 7 steps to get you to the light faster.
 
7 steps to a spiritual divorce:

When it comes to self-love, too many people focus on the things they lack instead of the things they have. They see themselves as unworthy and undeserving of love and care. This creates a negative feedback loop that can be difficult to break out of. However, it's important to remember that self-love is not about perfection. It's about accepting yourself for who you are and making a commitment to taking care of yourself.

This means making time for the things that make you happy and giving yourself permission to say "no" when you need to. It also means being gentle with yourself when you make mistakes and remembering that you are worthy of love and care no matter what.

It can be so easy to get lost in the every day and forget who we truly are at our core. We become bogged down by the obligations of life and the people around us, and we lose sight of what really matters to us. But it's important to remember that we are not just mothers, daughters, sisters, or employees. We are individuals with our own dreams, desires, and passions. ​

My rituals tend to be practical full body experiences. I gravitate more toward embodying intention than acting it out. In my life, it’s sometimes not practical to light candles and put on special clothes to dance around a room chanting. In fact those things can sometimes feel foolish. I know that for me it’s a show, an act, not my style.

Today I don’t like myself very much. I am dwelling in negative self-talk, and it hurts. Why do I do this to myself? How would I treat a friend in this situation? What would I say to them? How can I shift my mindset to one of positive encouragement and growth? 
 
I would start with encouragement. I would let them know it’s ok to have some bad days. It’s okay to be imperfect, in fact its preferable. I don’t want perfect people with perfect lives in my inner circle. I want real people with messy, wild, juicy lives. I want people who are unafraid to fail. I want people who go out and laugh and play and yes, sometimes, go too far. I also want friends who will gently, without judgment, encourage me to make healthier choices. 

Divorce is difficult. I know first-hand as I am in the process of releasing a partner I was totally committed to for 29 years. My marriage lasted 27 of those and together we created a beautiful family and life together. In the end we had drifted too far apart to come back together and I realized it was time to go. 

The separation was incredibly painful at first. Transformation often is. I am grateful for the spiritual tools I learned along the way. They have supported and empowered me through the process and will continue to do so. Here I’ll share some of those tools with you. If you are experiencing a life transformation, loss of any kind, or just facing an unknown future, I hope something here will help you.

I’ve been thinking a lot about feelings these days. It’s inescapable given what is going on in my life. After nearly thirty years together, my husband and I are separating. That stirs up a lot. I’ve been riding an emotional tsunami for six months as the life I built began to dissolve. In the beginning there were high peaks and low valleys. Now my emotions have leveled off. 
 
One of the gifts of going through big life transitions is that you are brought abruptly into the present. Your emotions are extreme and rapidly shifting. 

​There are different ways to be vulnerable. I always thought vulnerability was its own thing. That you were vulnerable period and there was no nuance to that. I am discovering through personal experience, that I am so wrong. There are probably, I don’t know, hundreds of different ways to show up vulnerable. Sigh. 

There is the vulnerability of going beyond, stretching and moving outside your comfort zone. The vulnerability that goes with learning a new skill like skiing or surfing. Being afraid that you can’t do something but reaching for it anyway. Being afraid you can’t have something but going for it. Being afraid you won't be good at something, but willing to learn anyway.

What did you need to hear as a child that would have helped you shape your wounds into a gift?

I was asked this recently in a (virtual) workshop space (check out Philip McKernan, he asks the best questions!). It got me thinking, what did I need to hear that I wasn't hearing? 

I love you.
You matter.
You are beautiful.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
You are special.
You are enough.
I love you.

All these and more! Then a lightbulb seemed to go off in my head. Yes, it really was like that, a lightbulb.

One thing I do consistently, religiously, happily with everyone I meet is encourage them. I am a huge believer in encouragement. In feeling into the question of what did I need to hear, I discovered a path to healing a childhood wound. Pretty neat, right?  Look at that question, think it over, feel into it and see what you come up with. Where are you intuitively