The Power of Forgiveness after Betrayal

Speaking from my own heart and experience, betrayal can be one of the most painful experiences one can endure in life. Whether it's a cheating spouse or a backstabbing friend, it can be difficult to move past the hurt and anger that betrayal brings. Initially, it’s easy to play the victim and hold grudges, but there is no real power in that. The only way to truly heal and move forward is through forgiveness. In this blog, I will discuss some of what I have learned around the importance of forgiveness after betrayal and ways in which you can embrace it for your own healing.
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​It's Your Choice to Forgive
One thing to keep in mind is that forgiveness is a choice. It's not something that will just magically happen overnight. It's a process that requires work and effort, but it's essential for your own healing. 
 
Choosing to forgive doesn't mean you condone the wrong that was done to you; it simply means that you are taking back control of your emotions and letting go of the hurt. 
 
It took me a long time to even consider forgiveness after I discovered betrayal. My advice to you, take your time, forgiveness isn’t the first step. It is, however, a necessary step in your own healing journey. Don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t there yet. Just file this post away in the back of your mind and come back to it when your heart is a little less raw.
 
Forgive Yourself First
Before you can truly forgive others, you must first forgive yourself. It's easy to blame yourself for not seeing it, or believing that you somehow "allowed" the betrayal, but it's important to remember that you were not the only responsible party. 
 
Hindsight brought me clarity, tempting me to question my choices and wonder if I should have acted differently. Yet, my commitment to our marriage and family was not to be questioned. I did the best I could with the information I had, staying true to my values and integrity. There's no need for second-guessing. 
 
Acknowledge your own role in the situation and forgive yourself for any mistakes or shortcomings. Remember that you are human, and you are allowed to make mistakes. Use this as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement.
 
Forgive Your Former Partner
Once you have forgiven yourself, you can start to work on forgiving your former partner. This can be one of the hardest things to do, especially if the betrayal was particularly painful. 
 
However, holding onto anger and resentment will only continue to poison your own soul. Those feelings will lodge in your tissues and illness will follow. 
 
Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand the reasons behind their actions. This doesn't mean you have to excuse their behavior, but it can help you gain some perspective and find empathy.

My experience: upon achieving this feat, a wave of profound liberation washed over me. I started grasping the enduring anguish my partner had likely swallowed. Recognizing that the source was his emotions, not any deficiency in myself, unshackled me entirely. 
 
Forgive the Person They Cheated with (if another was involved)
Another key component of forgiveness after betrayal is forgiving the person they cheated with. This may seem impossible, but it's important to remember that they were also a victim of the situation. It's easy to place blame solely on them, but it takes two to tango. 
 
Presently, my focus lies on this particular step: perceiving the other individual through the lens of their profoundly vulnerable humanity. It's important to acknowledge that someone who is emotionally whole and content, possessing a strong sense of self-worth, would likely never have engaged in a relationship with a partner unable to offer their complete self due to existing constraints. This perspective shift demands effort, yet the rewards it promises for my growth and recovery make it undeniably worthwhile. I’m getting closer, not there yet. 
 
Embrace Forgiveness Practices
There are many practices you can embrace to help you on your journey towards forgiveness. These can include meditation, deep breathing exercises, therapy (particularly somatic therapies), journaling, soul retrievals, ecstatic dance, ceremony, and more. Find a few that work best for you and make them a part of your daily life as you heal. It may not happen overnight, but with patience and persistence, you will eventually be able to release the hurt and find true healing.
 
Trust me, I know, forgiveness after betrayal is not an easy journey, but it's essential for your own healing. By choosing to forgive yourself, your former partner, and the person they cheated with, you are setting many souls free. Remember that forgiveness is a process, and it is your choice to embrace it. By practicing forgiveness, you are taking back control of your emotions and finding true power in letting go of the hurt. So take the first step today, begin to embrace forgiveness, and start your journey towards healing.