Since mid-March, when we all began spinning our cocoons, I’ve had to reconcile the woman I became in the last few years with the woman I used to be when my family was home more. I needed to readjust to an earlier version of myself just when I was really happy with who I had become. I struggled with boundaries and resentments, with hurt and fear, and yet, I loved being together and the light and joy that returned to our home. I struggled with equitable work distribution and the desire to nurture. I struggled with loneliness and togetherness all at the same time. I have had to reconcile life without friends, then life with friends (virtually), then the realization that it’s all really the same.
It’s been difficult and I haven’t done the best job of it. I want to find the meaning in it all. I want to do the deep inner work and discover new truths about myself and my life. And yet...I don’t. I’m exhausted and empty most of the time. I’m uncomfortable in my own skin (the 9 extra pounds don’t help). I’m doing my best and some part of me keeps saying it’s not enough.