Today I don’t like myself very much. I am dwelling in negative self-talk, and it hurts. Why do I do this to myself? How would I treat a friend in this situation? What would I say to them? How can I shift my mindset to one of positive encouragement and growth? 
 
I would start with encouragement. I would let them know it’s ok to have some bad days. It’s okay to be imperfect, in fact its preferable. I don’t want perfect people with perfect lives in my inner circle. I want real people with messy, wild, juicy lives. I want people who are unafraid to fail. I want people who go out and laugh and play and yes, sometimes, go too far. I also want friends who will gently, without judgment, encourage me to make healthier choices. 

Divorce is difficult. I know first-hand as I am in the process of releasing a partner I was totally committed to for 29 years. My marriage lasted 27 of those and together we created a beautiful family and life together. In the end we had drifted too far apart to come back together and I realized it was time to go. 

The separation was incredibly painful at first. Transformation often is. I am grateful for the spiritual tools I learned along the way. They have supported and empowered me through the process and will continue to do so. Here I’ll share some of those tools with you. If you are experiencing a life transformation, loss of any kind, or just facing an unknown future, I hope something here will help you.

I’ve been thinking a lot about feelings these days. It’s inescapable given what is going on in my life. After nearly thirty years together, my husband and I are separating. That stirs up a lot. I’ve been riding an emotional tsunami for six months as the life I built began to dissolve. In the beginning there were high peaks and low valleys. Now my emotions have leveled off. 
 
One of the gifts of going through big life transitions is that you are brought abruptly into the present. Your emotions are extreme and rapidly shifting. 

​There are different ways to be vulnerable. I always thought vulnerability was its own thing. That you were vulnerable period and there was no nuance to that. I am discovering through personal experience, that I am so wrong. There are probably, I don’t know, hundreds of different ways to show up vulnerable. Sigh. 

There is the vulnerability of going beyond, stretching and moving outside your comfort zone. The vulnerability that goes with learning a new skill like skiing or surfing. Being afraid that you can’t do something but reaching for it anyway. Being afraid you can’t have something but going for it. Being afraid you won't be good at something, but willing to learn anyway.

What did you need to hear as a child that would have helped you shape your wounds into a gift?

I was asked this recently in a (virtual) workshop space (check out Philip McKernan, he asks the best questions!). It got me thinking, what did I need to hear that I wasn't hearing? 

I love you.
You matter.
You are beautiful.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
You are special.
You are enough.
I love you.

All these and more! Then a lightbulb seemed to go off in my head. Yes, it really was like that, a lightbulb.

One thing I do consistently, religiously, happily with everyone I meet is encourage them. I am a huge believer in encouragement. In feeling into the question of what did I need to hear, I discovered a path to healing a childhood wound. Pretty neat, right?  Look at that question, think it over, feel into it and see what you come up with. Where are you intuitively

Walking the shamanic path gave me support and tools to meet everyday challenges with ease and grace.
It liberated me from conventional thinking and elevated me to an endless-multiverse-level of wisdom. It gave me resources beyond what society, my family, even higher education had given me. It freed me up to live more authentically my soul’s purpose, less focused on the smaller purpose of this single lifetime and cultural expectations that go along with who I am in this life. 

I’m far more interested in your soul purpose than I am in your life purpose. Knowing your soul purpose is much bigger than how you express that in this one lifetime. ​

I was the corporate 60-hour a week, no vacation, always on call, financial analyst in NYC. Before that, I worked in law in a major bank. I understand that life. 

I was also the busy mom with a hundred things happening and a partner who traveled all the time. So, while I wasn’t a single-parent, I was doing the hands-on alone. I understand that life too.

I remember when the kids were little, we had moved out to the country by then—which had its own isolation issues—but I remember wanting to find a place of my own, just a room to meditate in for 10 minutes a day. Back then I thought my spiritual practices had to be something set outside of my ordinary activities. Something special and separate. 

I can't tell you how many times I say this to myself and my community! That and "hands at your back" are my support mantras.
 
“You got this.”
“I believe in you.”
“I know you can do everything you’re dreaming of, and probably a whole lot more!”
 
It just feels right to wholly believe that the people in my tribe got it. Whatever it is they are thinking about, working on, creating. They got this.
 
“Hands at your back.”
“I’m right here.”
“I will support you, encourage you, assist you, whatever you need.”
 
THIS is the community I want to live in. This is the only circle, tribe, network I am interested in engaging with.
 
2020 has taught me so much about priorities, purpose, self-worth and risk taking. 

We have encounters with unseen energies around us all the time. Too often we doubt them. We might even think we are a little crazy. It’s okay to ask if you are crazy. I get that, I’ve been there. I remember sitting with a shaman teacher one afternoon and hearing her say that even she sometimes wonders if she is a bit crazy. 

What we don’t have is a place to talk about these encounters. A tribe of people or a learned elder who can guide us in understanding what we’re encountering. That’s why we doubt.

Our culture is set up to foster only what science can validate and what the five physical senses can perceive. Intuition and hunches, the foundation of the unseen energies, are not spoken of outside of “new age” communities. But that is changing.